Another Whiny Post

So I’ve been running on this wonderful high for most of the month. As much as I’ve complained about my class, it’s been pretty enjoyable. The people in it are interesting, the topics are interesting, the teacher is awesome. The reading could be better, but life’s not perfect. I’ve been working steadily at Target and have now started up a new work-study position. I spent time with friends, chatted with family, and overall had a decent month.

And then not too long ago, it’s like I crashed. Just completely burned out like a wrecked plane or an exploded car or some similarly depressing and gruesome image. In hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming because I’d been more distracted and just flat-out exhausted the past week or so. I haven’t been able to accomplish much of anything aside from going to work at Target. And that was harder than it sounds.

I think it’s kind of struck home that I’m in a rather undesirable situation in my life. Last I checked, I’m still $2000 or more in debt to a school I’ve rapidly come to dislike. I owe money left, right, and center it seems for God only knows what. I’ve lost track. I honestly don’t know 100% what I want to do with my life or even how to get there if I did. I don’t know how I feel about an ex-friend coming back into the picture, knowing that I don’t want to spend time with her nor she with me but our mutual friends want to spend time with us both. And that’s pretty awkward, you know? I don’t want them to take sides, though I suspect that if she’s even a little like how she used to be she’ll certainly want them to. I hope she doesn’t, but I’m not optimistic.

I feel very trapped right now and have no idea how I’m going to wriggle out of it. I want to just sleep until it all disappears, but I know that won’t work. I’m sure some would say I’m depressed and that perhaps I should seek counseling. Already a few steps ahead of you, my friend. Ask for depression meds? Already taken them at some point in my life. I’ve already discovered they don’t work for me. I don’t know why, but they don’t. And I’m quite loath to try again. Kind of a “fool me once” type of deal.

Anyway, that’s my whiny post. Let angst fill my cup to the brim until it spills over and is soon replaced with fresh, pure hope. If such a thing is possible

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