Faith

Faith is a tricky thing. It’s something that can be a source of great strength. It can comfort in the darkest places. It can redeem the most damned souls. It comes to those in the depths who have nothing else.

 

I used to have faith. When I was younger, I firmly believed in the rightness and all-encompassing great goodness that was the one true Almighty God. I used to feel a sense of peace when I entered a church. I felt a connection to Jesus Christ. I had faith that God could do no wrong.

 

I just visited the chapel on my campus a little over an hour ago. I’m not sure how long I was there. Half an hour, perhaps? Not much longer than that, though. And at first, there were a few people there. They were practicing with bells. It was pretty music, but I really wanted to have a solitary moment there. And they left not long after. But even while they were there, all I felt was this vast lonely emptiness. It only intensified after they left. For the first time in my life, I felt abandoned – as if I was no longer worthy of receiving God’s love.

 

This is the first time I’ve set foot in a Catholic Church since my freshman year with the intent of speaking with God. Before that, it had been five years since I’d entered a Christian place of worship. This was partly due to choice and partly due to moving to Washington. My mother was never able to find a church she liked after we moved out there. As for me, I had begun losing my faith in God about a year or so before we ever moved. So I’ve been agnostic, more or less, since fifth or sixth grade. For some reason, I just…I didn’t feel that same peace in a church. I didn’t feel the absolute rightness of God. I felt as if He had turned His back to me. I don’t know where those feelings come from – I still don’t. But even when His back had been turned, I didn’t feel abandoned. There was some hope, I suppose.

 

Faith is a tricky thing. It’s something that can be a source of struggle. It can destroy lives in the greatest heights. It can corrupt the purest souls. Without cause, it abandons some in the depths with nothing else to hold on to.

 

I’ve seen both sides of this coins. Not to their greatest extents, but I have seen them. I’m always questioning faith – my old faith, the faith of others. Not to be rude or antagonistic, but because I want to know. I want to know why. Why? That is the question perpetually before me. Nothing specific attached to it. Just why. Why?

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Don’t give in; it can only get better from here…right?

I’ll admit I’m not always the most sensitive or informed individual. I can be crude, I can be rude, I can sometimes be pretty tactless. But some lines even I don’t cross. Lines involving privacy and the right to find happiness in just about any form you choose.

Not too long ago, Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi threw himself from the George Washington Bridge in New York. The decision was made after his roommate Dharun Ravi supposedly posted that he was going to live-stream footage of Clementi being intimate with another young man. This would have been the second time Ravi would have done so. Instead of getting a “free show,” Clementi instead cancelled his plans for that night (whatever they really were) and worked towards his suicide.

That’s the story as far as I know it. Of course, I can’t say for sure how much of this is factual and how much is assumed. But I do know this much – if it is true, then this is a disgusting example of the kind of treatment homosexuals receive in this country. And that truly saddens me.

I’ve always been incredibly vocal in my support of homosexuals. Not just because of my interest described in a previous post, but because so many of my friends are in some way connected with homosexuality. Whether they were homosexual, bisexual, or just had friends/family who were, it didn’t matter. The connection was there. I even have a cousin who’s a lesbian. And from all my experiences with them, the only difference between them and me is their sexual preferences. And sometimes it’s not even sexual. They’re just happy with someone of  the same gender.

What’s so wrong about that? Don’t they deserve the chance to pursue happiness? That’s a right laid down in our Constitution isn’t it? So why is it that homosexuals/bisexuals/etc. are treated so…inhumanely? I want to know why they are given second-class citizenship. It might not seem like they are at first glance, but I don’t know how else to describe the ostracization and degradation of this fairly normal group of people who just happen to like the same gender.

So can someone please explain it to me? Because I can’t understand this desire to single out those who are different. To target them for mockery and humiliation…and much, much worse sometimes. Why?What are they doing that’s so wrong that they deserve that? It’s not like they’re smuggling drugs into the country or molesting children or a thousand other things I could think of that are far worse.